


Legend and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Shift at McDonalds

by Skiewrites



Series: A Big Bag of LU Fics... [23]
Category: Linked Universe - Fandom, The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: Crack, Gen, Karens, Linked Universe, Mcdonalds au, Pure Crack, do not take this seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:28:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28065513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skiewrites/pseuds/Skiewrites
Summary: Legend is the manager of a small McDonalds in the suberbs.Today he gains a new employee called Hyrule.Today turns out to be the worst shift in the world.
Series: A Big Bag of LU Fics... [23]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1769746
Comments: 5
Kudos: 77





	Legend and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Shift at McDonalds

"Hi, uh are you the manager?" 

Legend looked up at the talker. He couldn't deal with this today. He shouldn't even be here, this was his seventh shift in a row, an open when he asked for closes only, and he had all four of the Smiths in. All of those variables were nightmares to deal with on their own, the Smiths especially, but all together?

He needed to get another coffee. 

Had management been up his ass for the amount of coffee he ‘borrowed’ from the store? Oh absolutely. Were they going to fire him over it? Probably not. If they did, well, it looked like it was their issue more than Legends. 

"Yes. I am the manager." Legend said as he looked the kid up and took in what was in front of him. 

What was in front of him was an awkward fucking mess. 

The kid had messy brown hair and a face splattered with freckles. Clothes that were too big draped his body and a vibe of uncomfy radiated from his entire being. 

How was the kid not crying already?

"I uh- I got an email- and uh- it said that I had to come to you and er-" Legend rolled his eyes and put his hand up to stop. Thankfully the kid took the hint and became silent instantly. 

Well at least Hylia managed to employ someone who could listen for once. 

"I take it you're the newbie?" Legend asked, looking down at the clipboard that held the list of people who were in that day. A strong team if he ever saw it. Sure, there was only seven others on shift- eight if Legend decided to count newbie in front of him, but he would take a small amount of competent workers over a huge amount of time wasters any day.

"What's your name?" Legend asked, ready to fire the kid on the spot. It was nothing against the kid, really, but he really couldn’t be bothered to deal with this.

"Uh Link-"

Legend really wasn't dealing with this bullshit today.

"No it's not."

"It's not?" The kid looked so confused, and he seemed to genuinely believe Legend when he said that his name wasn't Link. 

"No it's not." Legend looked at the kid straight in the eyes and pointed to his name badge. "Do you think my name is actually Legend? No, it's not. It's Link. Everyone working today is called Link, because the owner thinks she's funny. The next word to come out of your mouth will be your name while you work here. If you don't say anything in the next minute, I will pick your name. Got it?" 

"Hyrule." 

"The fu- y'know what? I don't care." Legend said as he looked down at his clipboard, replacing the word newbie with Hyrule. Hyrule. Not the worst name in the store."There's still time to back out. You should leave while you still can."

"I- What?"

"I said come this way," Legend said as he opened the gate to let Hyrule in. Hyrule looked hesitant before walking in. 

"Don't say I didn't warn you." Legend sang as he led the way. 

" _ What??? _ "

"I said keep up."

x-x-x

It takes them almost twenty minutes to fill out of the forms. 

Twenty minutes of Legends life. Wasted.

At least he got paid for it.

"Congrats. You've signed your life away." Legend said as the newly dubbed Hyrule put his pen down. 

"Huh?"

"Don't worry about it." Legend groaned, before standing us. "Time to meet the team. We better hurry though, I left Wind in charge of front while we were sorting this out and honestly, that's probably not the best idea I've had." He didn’t mention that it was still miles better than some of the worst ideas he’s ever had.

"Who's Wind?" Hyrule asked as he followed close behind him. His uniform fit him a lot better than the other clothes did but he now looked uncomfortable in them. Maybe he just liked his clothes baggy? Legend didn't really care either way. As long as he didn't have to wear the crew member uniform ever again.

"He's the youngest person in the store at the moment, but is surprisingly more reasonable than most of the others." Legend said as he led Hyrule to front. 

"Who's the new guy?" Hyrule let out a scream in surprise, but Legend merely just turned to stare at Time. 

"This is Hyrule. Hyrule, this is Time, he's been here for the longest so he knows everything. Don't let his eye fool you, he can open it."

"No I can't." Time said as he looked Hyrule up and down before going back to what he was previously doing, cleaning the coffee machine. 

"Yes he can. Time you're training Hyrule today." Legend said as he looked down at his checklist. He still had so many things to do, he didn't have the time to have a trainee to be following him as well. 

"No I'm not." Time said as he finished cleaning the machine and started to put it back together. 

"And why not?" Legend asked as he slammed the clipboard onto the side, and both Time and Legend ignored how Hyrule jumped.

Legend took a mental note not to be loud around the kid. Not because he cared or anything. No. it was inconvenient. Sure. That's the reason.

"Because I'm not a crew trainer." Time said simply. 

"But you could have been-"

"You're the one who lost the paperwork"

"No I- whatever. I'll find someone else to train him." Legend conceded. 

"I can train him!" Wind yelled across front from the tills. Legend let out a groan before walking toward him. Hyrule did need to learn the tills after all. 

"Hyrule, Wind. Wind, Hyrule. Wind, you're not training Hyrule."

"What! Why not?" Wind pouted, crossing his arms and acting like the child he was. 

"Because you don't ever do anything correctly. Go serve the customer." Legend said to Wind, who rolled their eyes but did as he said. Legend then turned to Hyrule. "We're gonna watch what he does, and I'm gonna point out everything that he does wrong."

"Hiya! Welcome to McDonalds. What can getcha today?" Wind said with a bright smile. Legend nodded, keeping a close eye on the worker, who he was sure was too young to be working in the first place. For once, Wind wasn’t causing too much chaos right off the bat, meaning that this would be a great place for the newbie to start.

"Can I get a McFlurry please." The customer asked. 

"Uh- I'm really sorry sir, but our ice cream machine is brok-" Wind couldn't even finish his sentence before the customer's face grew red with fury and he started screaming. 

"Broken?  _ Broken _ ? That bloody machine is always broken. Someone needs to pay for this slight!  _ Pay with their blood _ !" The customer screamed, spitting as much as he possibly could. Wind was about to jump forward and take up his offer for a fight before Legend rolled his eyes and put an arm forward to stop Wind from jumping over the counter and taking the customer down then and there. 

Because Legend was certain that, despite the kid’s scrawny size, he would be the one winning the fight.

"Sir, this is a McDonalds, not a battlefield. Either order something or leave." The customer huffed, his face still red, and he huffed again before leaving the store, stomping on the ground hard on his way out, causing muddy footprints to litter the floor. 

"I could have handled that!" Wind moaned. 

"Your way of dealing with it is having a fistfight on front counter. That's not dealing with it." Legend said, before sighing. "I'm gonna get Wild to train him in kitchen."

"Meanie!" Wind yelled out as Legend dragged Hyrule away. 

It didn’t take long for the pair to appear next to Wild, who had been watching the interaction with the customer while eating burnt chicken nuggets. 

“Wild, Hyrule. Hyrule, Wild. Train him in kitchen until I’ve at least filed this away.” Legend grumbled before stomping away. 

It was going to be fine. Wild was the best person they had in kitchen, and one of the best people they had as a crew trainer. If anyone could train Hyrule, it would be him. 

“You wanna hear how I got my scars?” Wild asked Hyrule as Legend disappeared. 

“Uh, sure?”

“Well you see I was at this one crazy party and there were tons of flashing lights and lazers right?? So I kinda just decided to jump over them. They were real. Who knew??” 

“Really?”

“No. That’s just the cover story. The truth is...” Wild got close to Hyrule, a small smile on his face. “A creeper blew up my house.”

x-x-x

Ten minutes after Legend left Hyrule in Wild’s care, the entire crew was standing in the carpark. 

"Tell me how you did it again, but slower this time." Legend said as he rubbed his temples. 

It’s times like this that he should take Ravio's advice and just quit. Fuck, he has his notice all written up, waiting in his locker for the day that everything got too much. He could already hear Ravio laughing at him when he got home and started complaining about this. 

"I accidentally poured water into the fryer instead of oil."

"Right."

"Am I fired."

"No, everyone makes mistakes on the first day." Legend said with a sigh. No one with the name Link was ever fired. Legend would know. The shit that some of the people pull here is ridiculous and there were still here. A fire was nothing in comparison.

"But you're banned from the kitchen. Step foot in it and I'll show you why I'm in charge of the kitchen." Wild said, pointing a ladle at Hyrule, why he had a ladle was beyond Legend. McDonalds didn’t use ladles. They weren’t even allowed knives. 

"It's safe to go back in now. The fryers are fixed now." Legend turned around and frowned when he looked at Vio. One of the shortest people in the store, not counting his brothers of course. The only way that Legend could tell him apart was because he put purple stitching on his hat, while the other brothers wore either blue, red or green.

Of course, the rest of the staff was dumb, and thought only one of them existed, and thought that their name was Four. 

Legend hated his job.

"Where's the rest of your brothers. I know you're all on the same shift today."

"I don't know what you're talking about. I don't have any brothers" Vio said before turning to go back indoors, the rest of the staff following him inside.

"Brothers?" Hyrule asked. 

"There's four of them, I swear. Except, no one ever seems to see any of them at the same time. It's like they plan ahead and manage to be completely separate from each other. I know there's four of them, but there's no evidence!!!" Legend ranted, and Hyrule nodded along when he clearly had no idea what was going on. 

"Since you're banned from the kitchen, I'll get Warriors to train you on drive thru." Legend said as he finished ranting. 

"'Banned from kitchen.' You're the manager though, can't you just put me in kitchen even if I'm banned from it?" Hyrule asked, causing Legend to laugh loudly, making the customer head turn and tutter. How dare someone be happy at work. 

"Wild's kitchen. Wild's rules." Legend said, as if that explained anything. “Oi Warriors!”

At the call of the name, a head popped out of a space that couldn’t have been bigger than a cupboard. He was wearing a smarter uniform than most, but for some reason, he was wearing a scarf on top of the uniform. 

Now, Hyrule wasn’t an expert on company policies or anything, but he was at least 40% sure that wearing a scarf was against the rules. It was also the middle of summer. 

”Yes Princess?” said the man wearing the scarf. Legend ignored the nickname. 

”Train the newbie while I help Wild in the kitchen.” He grumbled before practically pushing Hyrule into the small cupboard with Warriors. 

"So you managed to set the vats on fire?" Hyrule had at least the audacity to look ashamed about it. 

The look dropped off his face when Warriors burst out into laughter. 

Hyrule didn't know if having Warriors train him was a good idea, because while Warriors did look very responsible, he was wearing a scarf over his uniform and Hyrule wasn't sure if that was allowed. And if he was doing that then there was no telling what else that Warriors would get up to.

At least Wild was nice, even if he did threaten him with a ladle.

"Honestly I'm surprised I didn't get fired for it," Hyrule said awkwardly as he rubbed the back of his neck as Warrior's laughing calmed down a bit, but the other man just shook his head and placed a hand on his shoulder, a smile plastered on his face.

"Please. Time's been trying to be fired for the last three years now. I do have to say that setting a vat on fire is the most impressive first shift I've ever witnessed in my life." Warriors managed to wheeze out, before turning his headset on and turning to the till. 

"Welcome to McDeath, you die ‘em we fry ‘em, what horrible health decision are you making today?" Hyrule eyes bulged out of their eyes as Warriors accent changed completely. The only way that Hyrule could describe the accent was as a snowy yee haw. 

"A double cheeseburger meal? I'm sorry we don't do that but I can put that through separately for you? You want it as a meal? Well ma'am we can't put it through as a meal. Okay y'know what fine it's a meal. What drink did you want with that? A strawberry milkshake? I'm sorry ma'am but the milkshake machine is bro- Okay bye then." Warriors sighed as he turned the headset off again before turning back to Hyrule. 

"I'm sorry what were we talking about?"   
  
"What the fuck?" Hyrule whispered as he stared at Warriors. 

"Huh? Oh, I like to put on an accent while I'm on headset." Warriors explained. "It helps past the time- Oh, hold on one second. Hiya, welcome to McDonalds, it’s not delivery or digiorno, it's me, DIO! Can I take your order?" This time the accent was vodka. 

"Sir. This is a McDonalds. We don't have the whopper here. No sir I can't make the kitchen make you a whooper. Burger King is around the corner. Goodbye." Warriors turned off the headset and the pair of them watched the camera where the customer started swearing loud enough for them to hear without the need of the headset.

"Are customers always this bad?" Hyrule asked.

"You get used to it. It's not always this bad, but because this is a quiet McDonanld in the middle of the suburbs, the only people who come here are Karens, their husbands and their kids. And the occasional person who makes the mistake of travelling through this area." Warriors explained with a shrug. 

Another car drove up to the ordering machine and Warriors turned to Hyrule with a bright smile. 

"How about you have a turn with the headset!" Warriors said, and Hyrule didn't get a chance before it was placed on his head. His mind went blank, he forgot how to speak as he listened to the rumbling of the car on the other side of the mic.

What was he supposed to say?!

"Uh, hello? I would like to place my order this year please."

"Uh- Oui oui baguette?" Hyrule said in a panic. Warriors eyes widened with laughter. 

"Excuse me?" The customer yelled, but before Hyrule could say anything the headset was yanked off his head and placed back on Warriors. 

"Sorry about that. Welcome to McHyrule, how can I fuck up your order today?" Warriors said in an upside down kangaroo accent. Hyrule was still in a panic when Legend popped his head around the corner, smiled at the newbie, and left him alone with Warriors. 

At least he wasn’t going to cause too much trouble there. 

Legend walked down to front, checking things off his list to make sure that everything was in order. One he got to the front counter, he was about to write down a huge list of cleaning jobs for Wind to do before a customer caught his attention. 

“THIS ISN’T A FLURRY!” She screamed at him, almost throwing the container in his face. Luckly, his face reflexes caused him to catch it before it caused a mess. Looking inside it showed that she was correct, because it was in fact ranch with chocolate pieces on top, made to look like a McFlurry. 

He had to say that Time really went all out here. 

“Mhm.” Legend said as he inspected it. He wondered what kind of face the woman would pull if he actually ate a large scoop of it in front of her, but than decided it was probably better for his mental health that he didn’t. 

Selfcare was important after all. 

“You are aware that the machines broken right?” Legend asked.

“Yes but-”

“And you weren’t charged for this, correct?” Legend asked again. If the woman could, there would be steam coming from her ears right about now.

“No but-”

“Then I dont see a problem here.” Legend stated as he dropped the ranch into the bin. 

“The man who served me should be fired.” She yelled before stomping away. 

“So, am I fired?” Legend tried not to show his surprise at hearing Time’s voice from behind him. Instead he turned around, his arms crossed but a smirk growing on his face. 

”You wish. Oh, also, while I’ve got you, we’ve decided who’s gonna be Ronald McDonald for the fundraiser next week.” Legend said, resting his weight on his back leg, ready to sprint in a moment’s notice. 

”Who.”

“You. You’re the clown.” Legend took a deep breath, taking in the silence, because he knew for certain that it wouldn’t last long. 

”You have five seconds to get out of the McStabbing zone.”   
  
And with that, Legend ran. After all, he did need to check up on Twilight outside. 

x-x-x

Twilight was not having a good day. 

Maybe it wasn’t as bad as Legend’s day, but it wasn’t good either. 

”Ma’am, your child isn’t allowed to climb the outermost railings of the play place.” Twilight said, trying to sound as calm as possible while trying not to freak out about the kid who was hanging off the side in a very dangerous manor. 

“What ever could you mean? And by the way, this is a  _ play place _ , older boys such as yourself shouldn’t be here!” She said finally looking away from her phone, her voice raising. Twilight would never understand the negligence that parents would commit sometimes. 

”Ma’am I work here-” Twilight said calmly, pointing both to his uniform and his name tag, not understanding where the woman was coming from.    


”No excuses! This is basically harassment! I’m gonna need the manager.” “I’m afraid that won’t change anything Ma’am, your child still isn’t allowed to climb the railings.” Twilight said pointing to the kid who was now on top of the playplace, a place where he was most definitely not allowed to play.

” What did you say? Alright now I really want to talk to the manager of this place!”   


Legend decided at this point he could speak to Twilight later. After all, he was probably needed more indoors. 

X-x-x

Sky made sure to put on his brightest smile as the next customer walked forward. He had just taken over Wind for his break. While he was supposed to report to Legend at the start of his shift, the manager was nowhere to be seen. Not that he blamed Legend of course, being a manager here was very hard work and stressful. 

”Hello and welcome to McDonalds. What can I get for you today!” Sky said as he put on his biggest and brightest ‘customer service’ smile.

”I want one of everything, but make sure to...” Sky’s eyes went wide as she started listing all the alterations she required for her food, tapping wildly at the touchscreen till. 

”Is that everything for your order today?” He asked after five minutes of putting her order. He could hear Wild’s grumbling from here, though he hoped that the customer in front of him couldn’t, or at the very least, didn’t know that Wild’s moaning was aimed at her and her very complicated order.

”Yes it is.” she snapped, waving a bank card in front of her face. 

”Okay then! The price comes to $86.28. The card machine is rea-”

”No. That's not right. You did something; you added something on didn’t you. Read it out to me.” Sky sighed before reading the huge list out to her slowly. He could hear Wild’s complaining getting louder. 

It took reading it to her five times, the final time with prices and a calculator involved, before the women decided that it was the correct price.

”Right, so the price comes to $86.28. The card machine is rea-”

“Oh, and I want two of every sauces you have.” Sky gritted his teeth while keeping a smile on his face. 

This was fine.

”Don’t forget to charge extra for the sauces.” Four, wearing his green hat, said to him as he walked past, collecting someone else’s order for the drive thru.

“I'm sorry, who are you? I wasn't talking to you.” The woman snapped at Time, and Sky nearly snapped back at her, telling her that Time wasn’t talking to her either.

”Your total is $90.65-”

”No it isn’t!” The woman screamed at him. Sky felt his breath hitch and his eyes water on reflex. Damn it, he always hated it when this happened. 

”Is there a problem here.” Legend asked.

”I want the manager. Now.” The woman growled at him. 

”I am the manager.”

”No you’re not. Where’s the manger!”

”Ma’am I’ the-” Legend couldn’t finish his sentence before an angry Wild walked out of the kitchen, ladle in hand. 

”Miss, if you do not pay for that order in the next thirty seconds I will personally kick you out of the store.” Wild threatened, ladle 

”YOU CAN’T MAKE ME DO ANYTHING!”

”What’s going on here?” Legend turned around to the speaker, and he couldn’t help but smile brightly at the sight of Hylia herself.

”I am walking off this shift and going home while you take over from me.” He said with a smile on his face. 

”I could fire you for that.” Legend laughed lightly at the threat. 

”Then do it.” he said as he walked off with a small wave. 

He couldn’t wait to tell Ravio about the day he’s had. 

**Author's Note:**

> Find me at my [tumblr](https://skiewrites.tumblr.com/).


End file.
